Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
