You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
