How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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