i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
