based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
