Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
