i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
