I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
