Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize