Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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