Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
