Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
