I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
