You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
