its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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