you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I AM VODKA MAN
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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