its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
