just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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