I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
