Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
