I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
