i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
