my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
