AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
