The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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