my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
