When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize