who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
