Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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