So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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