You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
