I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
