you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize