Nicole vs. Life
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize
