I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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