Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
