it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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