That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
