you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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