the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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