if i can run in heels then i can drive
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize