all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
