Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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