i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
