We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
