its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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