i think i scared a bird with my dick
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
