I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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