Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
