I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
