I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
