guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
