I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
