Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
