I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
