from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
