If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
