Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
