Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
