is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
