I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
