The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
