Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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