I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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