Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
