Ambien. No doubt about it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
