thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize