Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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