Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
