does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
