I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
