you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
