Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
