we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
