he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
